the real meishan talks now

wah. well done meishan. at 2.21pm when you are supposed to work and do your cold calling, u are blogging. u are the best man. fancy taking SPH's money and settling your emotions.

didnt u tell yourself to work hard this month. hit your sales target and get your commisssion. and most prob go for lasik or even wear braces. and right now, u are back to square one. no wonder he always says that your beliefs are not strong enough.


okay, for those who reads my blog (whom i know) and for those who reads my blog (whom i dun know), meishan is single again. dear friends, if you still care about me, don't probe me this question when u see me. i dun wanna be reminded. i will say if i feel like saying. just like how i got into this relationship.


yes, i teared, i cried, i almost went bonkers, i got fucking drunk. i called my darlings every day, every second. they are so nice to me which i really appreciate to the max (not as in broomhead). haha. to think i can still joke now. u think i am okay? u think i am really okay? think again. well, the answer is that, i am not sure if i am okay myself.


do i love him? the biggest and most challenging question. eh. i think i do. i think i don't. i think maybe. fuck la meishan. can you stop being so confused. okok. let me come up with an answer for now! just for now. it might change in the future, i think.


the answer is pretty much yes. i think i love him because i can see a future with him. i think i love him because i have faith in us. i think i love him because he made me realises that i have completely moved on. i think i love him because he made me want to change to be a better person not for him but for myself. i think i love him because instead of feeling depressed now, i know i must be strong. i know i must be back up stronger, if i want him back.


the next major question, does he loves me? for this, i don't have to think so much. my answer is very certain. he does not. he did, but no longer. so, in times like this, what are the odds of salvaging this relationship. i don't know. i really don't know.


meishan. the same old meishan. stubborn and emotional. when my hearts already knows the answer, i refuse to compromise. u know what? unlike in the past (in zh's case), i thought he was the only one for me. i can't find anyone better. maybe it was because i was still very young, i havent had my confidence built up. along the way, along these 4 years, i have matured. i have grown to be really independent and strong (despite the fact that i might not like this idea). i knew i am worth it. i knew i have my own market value. this time round, i can be pretty sure that i can find someone more suitable for me (not necessarily better).


but how come i am still not intending to let go? because i believe that whoever opens his heart and is happily in love with him in his fairyland will be the happiest woman? meishan thinks she has the power to do that? meishan still believes that since she almost opened it, she will definitely fully open it?


but do you know something meishan. is your confidence that killed this relationship? is your independence that silenced this relationship?


reading his blog every now and then. jumping from one conclusion to another. crying and laughing at the next moment. eating one moment and on diet the next moment. loving him and hating him the next moment. thinking positively and negatively the next moment.


if you tell me these are parts and parcels of a breakup, then i shut up.


but i am equally lost now. as lost. as emo. as no faith as him.


when 2 people are too similar, they break up?


when 2 people are too different, they break up?


when 2 people are not so similar and not so different, they break up?


conclusion? 2 people always break up.


ti gong. guanying ma. tua pek gong. drop me some hints pls.


now, the most impt thing is not to decide any stratgey.


but,


to find back the real meishan.

let her real heart talks. let her real feelings be felt. let her true soul be seen.